Change

I hate change. I’ve hated it for as long as I can remember. Something about change to me is anxiety provoking. Some people, when faced with change get excited or see opportunity, I however usually become fearful and uncertain and that is something I want to start working on.

Doing some introspection about the way I feel when faced with change I realize I usually do whatever I can to prevent that change from happening to the point at times of becoming neurotic. I may beg, plea or even put myself in an uncomfortable situation if I think it will keep things from changing.

Once I realize that that isn’t working, I usually become dispirit, and then began to numb myself to the change that is coming  (one may call this acceptance).

My goal however is to start seeing change as something exciting and even when it’s not so exciting, it’s still an opportunity to explore a new and different situation. The leaving of a good employee may mean the hiring of a better one. A friend relocating to Ice Land may mean new opportunities to hike up Mt. Esja or walk behind the Seljalandsfoss waterfall. 

You just never know what change will bring about, so my goal and your new challenge if you too are fearful about change, is to start seeing the positive aspects of change and even if there isn’t any, try creating one! That’s what I’m doing 🙂

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Relationships Part 1: How are you benefiting?

In graduate school I learned that no one stays in a relationship that they aren’t benefiting from in one way or another. Even people in seriously dysfunctional relationships are there because they are benefiting from it.

What got me on this subject is that I was listening to a radio show where this woman was saying she kept going back and forth in an unhealthy relationship where she said she wasn’t benefiting from it at all. After listening for awhile it quickly became apparent that she was most definitely benefiting from it… sexually. The clue was when she said, “The only good part about the relationship is that the sex is good”, so indeed she does benefit from this relationship. That same day, I saw a client who is in her second abusive relationship (at least) and I couldn’t understand why she was choosing to stay with these abusive men. After a brief assessment I found out that she had an alcoholic and abusive father, so being in these relationships benefited her, even if unconsciously because they served to help recreate the destructive pattern of abuse and fear she had growing up and unfortunately had become accustomed to and perhaps even identified with as love. Often children who grow up witnessing domestic violence grow up accepting it as an adequate form of love and companionship.

Look at the relationships around you, especially those you are most uncomfortable with for whatever reason and dig deeper to see where and how you are benefiting from it. That insight will serve as the catalyst needed to either break free from a destructive relationship or mend one that needs healing.