Why Do Men Cheat?, cheating, affa

divorceI know this has been one of those questions that’s been around forever and there are a million different theories to why men cheat, but after looking at some research done by Gary Neuman, LMHC, author of “Why Men Cheat”, I have finally found an answer I agree with.

In his research, Mr. Neuman found that an overwhelming majority of men stated that the reason they cheated was “emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling under appreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures.” Mr. Neuman goes on to explain that “Men are very emotional beings. They just don’t look like that. Or they don’t seem like that. Or they don’t tell you that.”

A lof of times in relationships we fall into routines and unintentionally we take our spouses for granted. No longer do we give praise to the other person for doing the things we think they are “supposed” to do. This is where the other woman often comes in, making the man feel appreciated and valued. It usually has little do to with sex, although Mr. Neuman discovered that the frequency of sex, not necessarily the quality of sex was also an important factor in why men cheated. It also has very little to do with looks, as the man that Mr. Neuman surveyed usually said the other woman looked no better physically then their wives. What it has to do with largely is the man feeling appreciated and admired because men are often insecure, rather they know it, admit it, or not, and are always seeking for someone to make them feel good about themselves.

The number one thing to take from this is to make your man feel appreciated and valued, like he is a winner or eventually, another woman will. Not all men will cheat, even when in relationships where they feel devalued, but your relationship will be much better if your man is happy and feels like your hero even if you’re really the superwoman in the relationship.


  1. Tiffany Sams said,

    March 19, 2009 at 4:19 am

    I think this is why women cheat as well.

    • cogitative said,

      April 14, 2009 at 2:53 am

      Guess what? I think you’re 100% correct. It’s amazing how often that goes overlooked. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.

  2. radonka said,

    April 19, 2009 at 4:56 am

    i agree… i think it would be better “why people cheat”. pretending men are the evil ones that hurt their poor loving wives is a bit unfair.

    • cogitative said,

      April 19, 2009 at 6:39 pm

      I think you’re right. This blog was actually inspired by both a tv show (Oprah) and a book “Why Men Cheat.” Both of which could have been easily titled “Why People Cheat” as you suggested. Thanks for the comment.

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