“I dreamt my teeth fell out!”

dream_standard_1280x960A friend of mine recently told me she had a disturbing dream that her teeth had fallen out. Alarmed, she called me and I quickly consulted two dream books, both of which stated that dreaming your teeth are/have fallen out can mean multiple things, but generally the end of a relationship or the the fear of being lied to/cheated on. My friend quickly acknowledged that she is afraid of both, her relationship ending (which isn’t going so well) and being lied to by her boyfriend who has lied to her multiple times before. What I found interesting besides the dream and it’s possible interpertations is how she felt felt during the dream about her teeth falling out. She told me she felt disgusted and I took that a step further to say that she feels disgusted with the thought of a) losing her relationship and b) being lied to by her boyfriend… again. After some thought, she agreed with my analysis and not that it was some sort of breakthrough, but it did help her realize that her dream wasn’t just about losing her teeth, but about her fears.  I think it’s important when trying to analyze your dreams to not only look at who was in the dream or what was happening in the dream, but how you or the people in the dream felt about what was happening. I believe looking at that will potentially give you greater insight not only into your dreams, but into your reality.

Lies vs Truths

I am firmly convinced that we are all liars. Now I know you may be saying “What? Not me! I am the most honest and genuine person there is.” And that might very well be the case, but you are still a liar.

What I am talking about here is internal dialogue, the thoughts we have about ourselves and the conversations we have about ourselves. More importantly, I am talking about the lies we tell ourselves, consciously or unconsciously..

Examples include; “I can’t live without him/her”, “Nobody will love me if I’m not perfect” and “I can change him/her after we are married.”

Think about those examples and then think about the lies you tell yourself. Now separate the lies from the truths. You won’t die if your mate leaves you. People who truly love you now and in the future will love you despite your flaws and chances are that you won’t be able to “fix” someone rather you are married or not and even if you manage to change that person its likely you will start to find them less interesting.

Sometimes the lies go even deeper. How many times have you called yourself a failure, stupid or a number of other insulting lies? Backing out of the garage you accidentally hit the mail box. You might get mad and call yourself an idiot and be upset with yourself for the rest of the day because of the lie you told yourself. The truth is, it was an accident. You are not an idiot. An idiot wouldn’t have a drivers license, have a job, be reading this blog, etc.

The trick is to regonize the truth from the lie which is sometimes hard because often we spend so much time convincing ourselves that the lies are the truths. The truths are sometimes painful and hard to accept, but usually always liberating and recognizing the truths from the lies will help you see the situation for what it really is.

Under the Surface

One of the most fascinating things about humans and human behavior, is that we consciously or unconsciously cover things up or make things appear different then what they really are. We do this for several reasons, but often it is to protect ourselfs from some conceived threat (psychoanalyst would say to protect ourselves from something that threatens the ego)… this is often better called fear, anxiety, anger or depression. Often it is easier to deal with what’s on the surface, than what’s underneath the surface in an effort to avoid those feelings, but what is underneath the surface is the real issue and what really needs to be discussed. I’ll give you a quick example.

Suppose that you and your mate are constantly arguing over how he/she manages the household bills. You don’t like the way they decides how income brought into the house is and isn’t spent. You guys are constantly arguing over the bills, getting upset with each other and nothing ever changes. Maybe your mate doesn’t even understand why you are getting so upset and perhaps, you don’t either. Well perhaps it is because the household bills is the surface problem, the safe problem to argue about, but what’s underneath that, if you look deeper, is the real problem, what really needs to be addressed and changed in order for things to change and get better in the realtionship. Perhaps the real problem is that your spouse paying the bills, controlling the way income that comes in and out of the house is spent is making you feel controlled, unappreciated, like a child… the list of possiblities are endless, but the truth and the root of the problem is there if you look under the surface and I promise you, that if you do this, you will stop arguing or worrying about petty things and tackle the tough truth and meat of the problem which, although may be harder to look at and deal with, will make you a much healthier and happier person once it is dealt with.

So stop arguing over the way your spouse is driving if the truth really is you just don’t want to go their family reunion, your sisters wedding across country or to the football game when you’d rather stay home. Stop arguing over the way your wife doesn’t cook if the real issue is you wish she were more attentive to your needs. Examples are endless, but give looking under the surface a try and see if it won’t help you to become less angry, depressed and anxious and at the same time give you greater insight into yourself and your relationships.